I am not a naturally positive person. Pessimism comes far more naturally to me than any remote shred of optimism and I frequently suffer from bouts of anxiety or, as I describe them to Mr M, an intense feeling of “down”. I am the person who frets over the smallest problem, who is in tears the night before any exam, who replays any unpleasantness a million times in their head – always dwelling on the worst case scenario. A few months ago I had a huge anxiety attack on returning home from a retail park (crying in the foetal position, the works!) because I was convinced I had side swiped someone’s car as I left the car-park (turns out the “bump” I felt was me driving over a sewer grate…). I am not one to look on the bright side of life or spot silver linings or see the glass as half-full. My side of life can be a bit dull, the lining is often torn and the glass is occasionally empty.
So when I challenged myself to my year of me – a major driving force behind this was to just feel happy, preferably without the intermittent drops in mood. And to be honest, so far, so good! Now, there have been a few exceptional circumstances admittedly. For one thing, I am still on holiday (woop!) and not having to deal with school-life (as much as I love it) definitely helps keep me happy. For another, I managed to get a rebate on some over-paid student loan which means that I can go shopping guilt-free today (I did however make the catastrophic mistake of asking my remaining balance… it’s a good job I am trying to feel positive at the moment). All in all, not a shabby start to 2018.
I know I am tempting fate a little here but it really does seem to be a very happy new year.
*Confession no.1 After raving so positively about my 1-second-a-day app, I forgot to do a day.
*Confession no.2 That day was the 2nd of January…